"A lot of people would have their problems solved if they would just go for the solution instead of the sympathy", wrote M. Scott Peck in "The Road Less Travelled". A valuable observation, backed up by years of work with troubled patients. We may also check whether this attitude have anything to do with us.

Many people seem to be driven by never-ending hunger for sympathy, attention, and appreciation. Little do they realize that in many cases it leads only to perpetuation of their difficulties.

There is one legitimate way to satisfy our inner hunger for love in its various forms. We should get in touch with God's love within, and to stay attuned to it. The issues of life flow from out heart, and all the refreshment we need is contained within. "As within, so without". After turning within and finding a wellspring of divine love, we will be amazed to discover love everywhere around us. From this point on, we won't feel lack of love in any way. We shall realize that it is abundantly present in all people and in all things. But we won't have to rely on others and their love.

There is an opinion that self-reliant individuals are emotionally cold and aloof. I don't agree with it. Aloofness is a mask some people choose to wear lest their heart be exposed. But genuinely self-reliant people allow themselves to love and to be loved. The only difference is that they control their feelings rather than being controlled by them.

How can we develop this emotional self-reliance? There are several suggestions which come to my mind.

There should be time for meditation in our schedule.

Prayers and affirmations are good and necessary, yet to be effective they have to be spoken from the consciousness of abundance. People who pray and affirm from the consciousness of lack (including lack of love), may unknowingly reinforce their feeling of lack. Meditation allows us to hear the still small voice of God within. It opens us to the realization of our inner treasures which are of greater value than anything the world has to offer.

We need to do something which would allow us to forget about ourselves and our "needs".

One of the greatest blessings in life is the work we love. It brings out the best of us, fills us with zest and enthusiasm, makes our mind and soul unfold. It is sad to observe those people who dislike their jobs. Life is a daily drudgery for them when it could be a joyous celebration. If they find it difficult to change that attitude at once, they may at least find a hobby or some other activity which will make their heart burn with passion. People who live with a purpose don't have much time to feel sorry for themselves.

The next useful technique is doing acts of kindness anonymously.

Those who complain that people are ungrateful reveal that they were looking to be rewarded for their acts of kindness, even in form of thanks. But true kindness, just like true love, seeks no reward, for it has reward in itself. When our actions toward others are not dependent on their actions toward us or lack thereof, we behave like self-reliant and mature individuals. It might take time and efforts to achieve this goal, but it worth all the efforts.

(to be continued)